Winding down to the end of the school year, and still working this job. x.x I think I'm actually starting to crack under all this pressure; I randomly started crying while doing chores today. O.o

Anyway, summer's coming which, means Comic-con, bitches! woo! At least I'll finally have a little spending money. And I get to watch the masquerade with Aki. <3

Tags: summer
Current Location: in my room doing homework.
Current Mood: cracking
Current Music: Repo! Soundtrack

Blah.

There are too many emotions to name that are in my brain.

There's no way in hell that a sane person with no car living in SAN DIEGO can hold down a part-time 5-day a week office job, be a full-time university student and actually PASS all their classes, go to hula on Saturdays, spend not even a day with one friend, and keep up with my hobbies that actually give me character.

There is NO WAY. I don't understand why my mom doesn't get this at all.

Tags: job
Current Location: In front of my 4 - 6 page comparative essay
Current Mood: Working
Current Music: Manzo - My Pace Daiou

how much more of this I can take.

What I've been through, most people would have killed themselves by now.

Let's just hope and can gain a backbone soon.

And it's not below the waist.

I'm cracking right now.
And trying to hold all the pieces together.

Coffee and zip fizz can only do so much for a girl.

Fuck the money.
I miss you. T-T

Current Location: Falling asleep in my room once again.
Current Mood: Isolated

So much.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I don't know why I haven't stood up before.
I want to overcome this.
I want to take command.

Because this is more important to me than anything right now.
I've never had the courage to stand up to my mom like this,
But I feel that it's gotten so bad
That I have to now.

I just hope I'm making the right decision.
Because I feel like I am.

I just hope
I'm not being led anymore.

I'm sorry you feel that way. On second thought, no I don't.

I'm glad we were friends when we were, but I've come to realize that we both have changed, whether it be for good or bad.

I believe that people shouldn't lie to be who they are. It creates a fake world. I've seen you lie many times over. I've heard you lie in that FAB accent that you should have lost when you 'came here for high school'. I've stood by listening and watching as only some people drink in those lies. But they don't fool me. Nor others. Nice try.

Trying to find yourself? For starters, trying being truthful in your words. Baby steps hun, make all the difference in the world.

And posting it on 'myspace' for all your friends to see your drama instead of, what was it you said.., 'saying everything to our face?' seems like a pretty poor and immature way of dealing with things. You've definitely changed, because I don't remember you dealing with things this way last time drama between us came up. Last time, you came right up to me and talked to me so there was minimal damage. But if you want this whole thing to draw attention to you, then by all means go ahead. I won't be there to watch you get worshiped by hot asian men and okinawan girls. I'll be, as you have said previously, up ahead, working towards my ambitions, instead of settling down for being a housewife.

P.S.: I like how you gave me credit for my kimono in your 'photoshoots'. That was fucking hard work, asshole. You try making something on your own for once.

Tags: drama
Current Location: In my head
Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: The Offspring - You're Gonna Go Far Kid

that I have never been this emotional in my entire life...

I am currently:
Unsocial
Bored
Unmotivated
Confused
Aggravated
Frustrated
Irritated
IMPATIENT
Disappointed
Taken aback
Unaggressive
Lame
Trapped
Left behind
Unfulfilled
Useless
Unsatisfactory
Unsuccessful
Beginning to think I’m unrealistic
Unskillful
Used
Unable to say NO
Jealous
Lonely
Insecure
Second rate
Unimaginative
Uninteresting
Out of sight, out of mind
Naive
Oblivious
Dependent
A component of different people

I'm just wondering if this is really me moving on to college life or is it really me period.
And in all honesty, I don't know whether I'm willing to change that or not. I've done it too much.

I've changed so much over the years that I don't really know what characteristics are really me and which ones I've seen in others that I've taken. I feel like a doll that others have dressed up, saying I should be this and that and I should do such and such, and I just didn't have the idea in my head that I CAN say no when I want to. Disappointment is one of my worst fears, whether it be from myself or others.

I think.....
that I want this life to be mine and do what I want to do with it.

I'm just afraid of hurting or disappointing those I love, but I won't be their doll anymore.

I promise there will be no more doll in the future. Just me. :]

Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: Hellogoodbye - (Here) In Your Arms/Girugamesh - Owari to Mirai

my life.
It's New Year's. And I'm just glad I was able to visit some friends that I haven't visited in a long time. But sitting at my computer drinking P.O.G. and vodka and watching videos by myself isn't really my idea of a great way to welcome the New Year.

My mom and cat are on the couch sleeping like babies, my brother's even out with his friends. I only got to visit mine, and not even my best friend, who is almost having her life fucked over right now.

No job + no owned car = fail at life, I guess.

Happy fuckin new year. <3




Now I get to go clean the garage, my room, and pack for my 4 day escape to LA.
Love you all!
-Yuka

Tags: new year
Current Location: Room
Current Mood: depressed

Hectic and busy. These two words, I've been using a lot lately to describe how I've been doing or how my life has been. But I can't say that I don't like it. College is so much better than high school. SDSU takes no bullshit. :] I've been getting money in doing a job that I like. The only thing that I don't like is that I haven't had the time to hang out more with my friends. I miss them! D: Now I'm even more determined to finish my classes so I can spend more time with them.

I gotta go. I'm at school taking a break with one of my loves Nicole because our RWS class was cancelled. :D

Tags: college
Current Location: SDSU East Commons
Current Mood: Inspired
Current Music: Basement Jaxx

To start this one off with a rant....
STOP IT! STOP WITH ALL THE HORRIBLE "L", NARUTO, KINGDOM HEARTS, AND BLEACH COSPLAYS!!!  D:<
D:<<<<<<
JUST STOP IT!
Say no to costume silk!
Say yes to wig caps! THEY ARE YOUR FRIEND!
Do us all a favor and DO NOT even go out in public without a COMPLETE costume!
No! Don't even think about it!
And for heaven's and everyone else's sakes, get correct shoes, and WEAR MAKE UP.
D:<

....................
Okay. I'm probably not done with that one yet, but I'll say no more.

I'm sad to say I'll be missing the Comic-Con masquerade this year, but I'll come next year. Reason being: I'm going up to Pedaluma for two weeks to camp with Youji and her family! :D
I'm starting at SDSU next year, and my first day of classes starts on September 2nd. I've finally decided: no marching band for me!  I want my life back...  ._.
My con list for next year: ALA, AX, SDCCI, YC. I don't think I'm missing any, unless someone wants to come with me to PMX. >.>

Tags: cosplay comic-con
Current Location: Stuck in the house.
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Any and all fast-paced