cheylani

Summer's a-coming?!

2009-04-13T04:50:19Z

Winding down to the end of the school year, and still working this job. x.x I think I'm actually starting to crack under all this pressure; I randomly started crying while doing chores today. O.o

Anyway, summer's coming which, means Comic-con, bitches! woo! At least I'll finally have a little spending money. And I get to watch the masquerade with Aki. <3

Life Lesson

2009-04-07T08:37:59Z

Blah.

There are too many emotions to name that are in my brain.

There's no way in hell that a sane person with no car living in SAN DIEGO can hold down a part-time 5-day a week office job, be a full-time university student and actually PASS all their classes, go to hula on Saturdays, spend not even a day with one friend, and keep up with my hobbies that actually give me character.

There is NO WAY. I don't understand why my mom doesn't get this at all.

I don't know

2009-03-17T04:23:36Z

how much more of this I can take.

What I've been through, most people would have killed themselves by now.

Let's just hope and can gain a backbone soon.

Taking a blow

2009-03-07T06:22:48Z

And it's not below the waist.

I'm cracking right now.
And trying to hold all the pieces together.

Coffee and zip fizz can only do so much for a girl.

Fuck the money.
I miss you. T-T

I hate it.

2009-03-02T04:15:50Z

So much.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I don't know why I haven't stood up before.
I want to overcome this.
I want to take command.

Because this is more important to me than anything right now.
I've never had the courage to stand up to my mom like this,
But I feel that it's gotten so bad
That I have to now.

I just hope I'm making the right decision.
Because I feel like I am.

I just hope
I'm not being led anymore.

Response to the Blog

2009-02-02T06:54:15Z

I'm sorry you feel that way. On second thought, no I don't.

I'm glad we were friends when we were, but I've come to realize that we both have changed, whether it be for good or bad.

I believe that people shouldn't lie to be who they are. It creates a fake world. I've seen you lie many times over. I've heard you lie in that FAB accent that you should have lost when you 'came here for high school'. I've stood by listening and watching as only some people drink in those lies. But they don't fool me. Nor others. Nice try.

Trying to find yourself? For starters, trying being truthful in your words. Baby steps hun, make all the difference in the world.

And posting it on 'myspace' for all your friends to see your drama instead of, what was it you said.., 'saying everything to our face?' seems like a pretty poor and immature way of dealing with things. You've definitely changed, because I don't remember you dealing with things this way last time drama between us came up. Last time, you came right up to me and talked to me so there was minimal damage. But if you want this whole thing to draw attention to you, then by all means go ahead. I won't be there to watch you get worshiped by hot asian men and okinawan girls. I'll be, as you have said previously, up ahead, working towards my ambitions, instead of settling down for being a housewife.

P.S.: I like how you gave me credit for my kimono in your 'photoshoots'. That was fucking hard work, asshole. You try making something on your own for once.

I do believe

2009-01-28T06:31:36Z

that I have never been this emotional in my entire life...

I am currently:
Unsocial
Bored
Unmotivated
Confused
Aggravated
Frustrated
Irritated
IMPATIENT
Disappointed
Taken aback
Unaggressive
Lame
Trapped
Left behind
Unfulfilled
Useless
Unsatisfactory
Unsuccessful
Beginning to think I’m unrealistic
Unskillful
Used
Unable to say NO
Jealous
Lonely
Insecure
Second rate
Unimaginative
Uninteresting
Out of sight, out of mind
Naive
Oblivious
Dependent
A component of different people

I'm just wondering if this is really me moving on to college life or is it really me period.
And in all honesty, I don't know whether I'm willing to change that or not. I've done it too much.

I've changed so much over the years that I don't really know what characteristics are really me and which ones I've seen in others that I've taken. I feel like a doll that others have dressed up, saying I should be this and that and I should do such and such, and I just didn't have the idea in my head that I CAN say no when I want to. Disappointment is one of my worst fears, whether it be from myself or others.

I think.....
that I want this life to be mine and do what I want to do with it.

I'm just afraid of hurting or disappointing those I love, but I won't be their doll anymore.

I promise there will be no more doll in the future. Just me. :]

Fuck...

2009-01-01T08:02:58Z

my life.
It's New Year's. And I'm just glad I was able to visit some friends that I haven't visited in a long time. But sitting at my computer drinking P.O.G. and vodka and watching videos by myself isn't really my idea of a great way to welcome the New Year.

My mom and cat are on the couch sleeping like babies, my brother's even out with his friends. I only got to visit mine, and not even my best friend, who is almost having her life fucked over right now.

No job + no owned car = fail at life, I guess.

Happy fuckin new year. <3

Now I get to go clean the garage, my room, and pack for my 4 day escape to LA.
Love you all!
-Yuka

College and Work

2008-10-27T18:24:59Z

Hectic and busy. These two words, I've been using a lot lately to describe how I've been doing or how my life has been. But I can't say that I don't like it. College is so much better than high school. SDSU takes no bullshit. :] I've been getting money in doing a job that I like. The only thing that I don't like is that I haven't had the time to hang out more with my friends. I miss them! D: Now I'm even more determined to finish my classes so I can spend more time with them.

I gotta go. I'm at school taking a break with one of my loves Nicole because our RWS class was cancelled. :D

Updates and rants

2008-07-10T01:45:25Z

To start this one off with a rant....
STOP IT! STOP WITH ALL THE HORRIBLE "L", NARUTO, KINGDOM HEARTS, AND BLEACH COSPLAYS!!! D:<
D:<<<<<<
JUST STOP IT!
Say no to costume silk!
Say yes to wig caps! THEY ARE YOUR FRIEND!
Do us all a favor and DO NOT even go out in public without a COMPLETE costume!
No! Don't even think about it!
And for heaven's and everyone else's sakes, get correct shoes, and WEAR MAKE UP.
D:<

....................
Okay. I'm probably not done with that one yet, but I'll say no more.

I'm sad to say I'll be missing the Comic-Con masquerade this year, but I'll come next year. Reason being: I'm going up to Pedaluma for two weeks to camp with Youji and her family! :D
I'm starting at SDSU next year, and my first day of classes starts on September 2nd. I've finally decided: no marching band for me! I want my life back... ._.
My con list for next year: ALA, AX, SDCCI, YC. I don't think I'm missing any, unless someone wants to come with me to PMX. >.>

New year.

2008-02-03T08:05:38Z

I started off this year with vampires, Aki, and Cheddar & Sour Cream Ruffles/chocolate dip. So much fun. :3 We should do it again.
Anime LA = very fun, yet cheated. Let's not even talk about the hotel, because that was a gas-truck crash. And I'm sorry that I molested you in my sleep! D: Natz and Alfred from Rusika are very very nice. Natz is hilarious! :D I love his sense of humor. We also met the 'Kaname' again, along with a bunch of other cosplayers.

School started up after that, resulting with me NOT failing Econ (which is amazing considering the amount of work I actually turned in). My teachers are okay, and I'm starting to plan out this year's Little Tokyo trip up in LA. I also have to teach the Japan Club officers for next year how to plan out the trip so that they won't bomb it, which would most likely happen if Youji and I weren't training them right now.

I'm excited for:
*The Slant's concert
*Little Tokyo
*Comic-Con
*University of Hawaii
*Japan trip w/ Aki in December

Man, do I have a lot to do. x.x
~Chey

I like the sky.

2007-09-27T07:11:48Z

Do me a favor. Just one. One night, when you're getting out of the car, take a look up at the sky; try and find a star, a few stars, even a constellation. Look at the moon and find the craters. Then look at the whole picture put together.

If the night isn't for you, then look up during the day. Take just 5 seconds, on your way to class or on your way into work, and look up. Look at the blue, then try and find a white cloud and see the contrast. Find a shape in the clouds. Enjoy the sun.

Take a look up at the sky and see it for what it is. People from Paris, London, Helsinki, Beijing, Tokyo, up in Canada, even right across the street, can look up and see the same sky, but they may see it in a different point of view. So, once you take a look up at the sky, message me, and tell me what you saw. I'd love to know what everybody else sees. Look at the sky, see it for what it is, the big and the small, and treasure it; this sky is the only one of its kind.

So far, so good.

2007-09-15T09:22:19Z

We've finally started school! And I already finished a project, a few quizzes, an essay, and I'm working on another essay. Fun! -extreme scarcasm- Band is doing fine, though freshman need a lot of work as usual. I'm confident that we can do very well this marching season, and I hope we do because it's my last year!

Oddly, 4th period Japanese class is very quiet and respectful, the most disrespectful right now are Randy and Charles, and they're angels most of the time. So, it's kind of weird, but a good change for Sensei, I think. I hope this continues. It seems like a nice class.

Aki's cosplay group is getting along. I now have the position of official photographer/historian. We're busy getting fabric for the Suzumiya Haruhi cosplays. They want to do Hare Hare Yukai, and I told them I'd be willing to be one of the guys. Hehe. It's going to be fun. Anime LA, here we come! -Is packing her bags already, even though ALA is in January-

As far as music is going, I'm planning on going to JRev 2. I AM going. No buts about it. Aki is working on some music right now; she's got some lyrics down. I'm also working on a little melody. It was inspired by this year's marching band field show, but it's not a copy. I find it to be setting a mood every time I play it on my piano, even though it's a very short melody. Not even an intro. I guess I'll show it to her this Saturday or next meeting. I like it. Hm... I think.....it's time to watch more Hana-Kimi!

Accident and a full schedule.

2007-08-30T23:49:24Z

So, I finally got into my first car accident. Not in the situation that I would have hoped. I'm basically screwed for that.

Saturday, I have the cosplay meeting with Aki in the morning and my bowling birthday party in the afternoon. That's going to be fun times. Tuesday, I start school (fun...), Thursday is my birthday, and Friday of next week, is our first football game, which the band has to play at. Sounds like a fun week, right? I can only hope...

Summer school

2007-08-09T01:03:14Z

My last day of government class is tomorrow, thank god. But that means a Final. Ew. I haven't studied at all. I just don't want anything to do with government anymore. What was I thinking taking it AP.... x.x

Band camp is also on the 20th. Hooray. Notice my enthusiasm.

Getting waaaaaay into Diru's old stuff, Cage being my favorite. I want to learn bass. That solo seems interesting and fun to do. Yep. I want to go to more Diru concerts. There's just that air that they put out there; the atmosphere. There's nothing like it. If you went to one, you'd see what I mean.

My thoughts for tonight

2007-07-17T07:18:56Z

I've been thinking about school, where I'm going, and what I want to do. Do I really want to go to UH Manoa? And is it really what's best for me? What about my friends? The people that know me here? Who depend on me to be here? I'm wondering if this is just normal human worrying or a phase. I don't know.

I seem to be saying that phrase a lot lately. I don't know. I don't even know what I truly want to do as a profession. Music would be awfully nice. The music industry seems like it would be pretty fun. Especially over in Japan. I want to at least use my Japanese to the fullest extent. Maybe that would work for me. But my drumming is way below average. It's most likely not good enough. I've only ever touched a drumset once, and that was because Leigh made us. I feel like an awful, lousy, extremely bad drummer who shouldn't even be called one. I think I'm slipping into an emo state with that. Don't get me wrong, I love drumming. Yes, it does make me so happy to just walk into the band room every single day and just forget that I'm in school. Forget nearly everything from earlier on that day, listen to my band friends' music, and drum with the rest of the drummers, even though I'm most likely the worst of them all. Only a few of you know what I'm talking about, but it's just that feeling I get when I walk into the band room. I guess it's just one of those things that I'm a late bloomer at. It takes way longer for me to get some things than it normally takes other people to get.

I've been telling people that it would be nice to be a pharmacist. But I'm not so sure that it's for me. Sure, it makes good money, but I don't think I would be happy doing that. It's one thing to have a good job and be making good amount of money. But it's also another thing to like it and be happy doing it. I guess there's a lot of planning and researching to do on my part.

I have also found another thing that I enjoy doing. Photography. It's fun. I've always just loved being in pictures and taking pictures. I just recently realized that joy of photography during AX a few weeks ago. I was just doing photoshoots galore for Lyndsey and Chrissy, and then taking pictures of random cosplayers walking around. I found that I enjoyed it. I'm also planning on doing some more mini-photoshoots for Chrissy and Lyndsey and a couple other people at Comic-Con this year. What do you think? I like it. In fact, I love it. As much as I love my music. And you all know how much I love my music. Can't go a day without it. Literally. ^.^

Well, those are my thoughts for tonight.